痛苦

The Gift Of Pain

Matt's father rang me because several weeks earlier his son had pointed an unloaded starter's pistol at a police officer who was trying to arrest him for disorderly conduct. Matt was now on bail for a serious firearms offence, and he was continuing to act recklessly. In violation of his bail, he would stay out drinking with friends, sometimes not coming home for days. He was getting into fights. His parents, both teachers, were beginning to accept that Matt would probably go to prison.

Matt's parents had adopted him when he was two years old. Matt's father told me what he knew of Matt's early life: shortly after his birth, Matt and his 17-year-old mother had left her parents' home, moving first to an emergency shelter and then from place to place. Matt's mother, a drug user, was incapable of caring for him. Malnourished and ill, Matt was taken into care when he was one year old. He had spent time in several different foster homes before being adopted. From early on, he was a difficult and uncompromising child, and, as a result, his parents had decided not to adopt any others.

Several days later, Matt came to see me. He flopped into a chair opposite me, and began to talk quite openly. He told me about two men, brothers, who lived in his neighbourhood and were out to get him - these men had stabbed someone he knew. Matt's situation was alarming but, as he talked, I began to notice that I didn't feel particularly alarmed. His speech was energetic and clear, but I found it difficult to get involved in his story. I was easily distracted and caught myself thinking about some errands I wanted to run at lunchtime. In fact, every attempt I made to think about Matt's story was like trying to run uphill in a dream.

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